Remove the Stumbling Block - A sermon for Jewish Disabilities Month 2013

Sermon for Mishpatim – Jewish Disabilities Month 2013

Rabbi David Kaufman

February 8, 2013

This week’s Torah portion is Mishpatim. Parshat Mishpatim contains many laws and statutes including the famous statement about damages, “An eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth,” which the rabbis come to understand to mean “the value of an eye for an eye and the value of a tooth for a tooth.” This Torah portion also contains laws about how to treat those in our communities who are less fortunate than we are and particularly, how to deal with those in our midst who are challenged to live normal lives.

Mishpatim reminds us (Ex. 22:20-24):

You shall not wrong a stranger or oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. You shall not ill-treat any widow or orphan. If you do mistreat them, I will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me and my anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your spouses shall become widows or widowers, your children orphans. If you lend money to My people, to the poor who is in your power, do not act toward him as a creditor: exact no interest from him.

Remember that “you were a stranger.” The line is oft repeated in our tradition. Yet it means more than that. It isn’t that each of us was a stranger. The real force of the statement is that we were, are, and always will be strangers. We are forever strangers in a wilderness. For some of us, the challenge is greater than for others, but we all need help to get through the challenges in our lives and as we get older, those challenges that all of us will face will include disabilities.

“This month is Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month. According to the National Organization on Disability, 54 million Americans have some form of disability. That’s nearly one in every five Americans. According to the 2010 Census, one in 12 children in the U.S. has a disability; that means 5.2 million American children have a mental or physical disability. When you factor in friends, families, and community members, the number of Americans affected by disability issues multiplies exponentially.” (www.rac.org)

While some of us have friends and family members who face or faced significant physical and mental challenges from birth, life will challenge all of us as we get older. Our eyesight and hearing fade along with our memories and physical abilities. Where once we took the stairs two at a time, for some, it is difficult or impossible to take them at all.

We cherish our independence, the ability to live alone, to travel alone, to open doors alone. Yet life sometimes makes that difficult.

Many wonderful institutions in our community help those facing physical and mental challenges overcome them.

Mosaic, Easter Seals, Variety and whole host of other organizations and agencies work to improve the lives of people with disabilities in our community. Too many of us think about these organizations as working for “them,” others who are not like us, when in fact, they are very much like us. “Remember you were a stranger.”

Proverbs 31:8 tells us, “Speak up for those who cannot speak…speak up, judge righteously, champion the poor and the needy.”

And in Leviticus 19:14, we find “You shall not insult the deaf, or place a stumbling block before the blind.” It seems easy enough to do. We tend to look at this verse, particularly the second part as if all we have to do is not go out of our way to make things difficult. Yet what is the verse really telling us? What happens if we see that there is or will be a stumbling block in their path? Is not our obligation to help them to avoid it?

This verse from Leviticus is a directive that is literally applicable on a playground. Children often treat those who are different in not-so-nice ways. They may well tease someone who is deaf by talking behind their back, by ridiculing and then acting as if nothing happened. They could well find it amusing when someone blind would be made to trip. One can envision these things. We may even remember seeing similar behavior on the playgrounds of our youth. Some of us may have acted to prevent these actions. Others in shame may recall participating in them or doing nothing to stop them.

Adults certainly can do this type of thing as well, but we learn over time that we ourselves come to be treated in the way that we treat others. In fact, one of the best measures of what kind of person we are is the way in which we treat those with less power than we have.

Our Tradition speaks of the deaf, the blind, those with speech impediments and those with learning disabilities and in every instance we are encouraged to help the person with the disability to overcome it.

We read in Deuteronomy 15:11, “If there be among you a needy person, you shall not harden thy heart, but shall surely open your hand.” It is a statement about giving to the poor, but just as certainly it is a statement about reaching out to lend a hand. It is a statement about our need not just to avoid placing stumbling blocks, but to look ahead and make sure that stumbling blocks are not already there. We need to actively help, not merely to avoid causing problems.

I came across this in an article in the Forward about disabilities in the Orthodox community:

About 10 years ago, Jason Lieberman stopped wearing tefillin. This was not an act of rebellion — Lieberman’s cerebral palsy simply made it too difficult for him to put them on. Seven years later, Lieberman, 34, who serves as treasurer of Matan, which provides Jewish education programs to special needs children, sought help from his extensive network in the Jewish community: Where could he find an occupational therapist who had experience in training disabled Jews to put on their own tefillin? The answers disappointed him. Two rabbis offered to give him a heter — a dispensation — so that he wouldn’t have to wear tefillin at all. Another suggested that he get someone else to put them on for him. That was exactly what he was trying to avoid. “I know I have the skills to do it,” Lieberman told a rapt audience of rabbinical students... at Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, in New York. “I just need someone who understands how my body works, to teach me how to do it.”

Or how about these questions found in the same article:

What do you tell a disabled Jew who is concerned that the cane she needs in order to walk to synagogue during the Sabbath violates the prohibition on carrying items? What about a wheelchair? And can her husband push it without violating the proscription against work? If that’s a problem, what if the wheelchair is motorized with a pre-charged battery? Will she be violating the Sabbath ban on electricity?

We Reform Jews would not bat an eyelash at these things, we would say come however you are able, but in the Orthodox community you cannot simply ignore Halakhah.

Yet, too often we do place stumbling blocks and put forth insults because we are not conscious of the needs of those around us. We simply are unaware that we offend, cause discomfort, or even harm. Our access doors and aisles are not wide enough, our thresholds too high. Our ramps too steep or too narrow. Our texts too small. Our amplification too low. Our patience too short.

As a congregation, we have tried in recent years to be more accommodating, but our building is hardly completely accessible. Staff offices and meeting rooms are on different levels without an elevator and the most easily accessible doors are not opened by our buzzer, but require someone to physically unlock them. Our building renovation project will to no small extent address this sort of access issue.

Our Tradition teaches us that people who are disabled can do wonderful things, not only for themselves, but for our people. Someone who is impaired of speech can even speak as God’s own mouthpiece.

And Moses said unto Adonai: “Adonai, I am not a man of words, either in the past, nor now, since you have spoken unto Your servant; for I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (Exodus 4:10)

After Moses questioned God about his difficulties with speech, God responded.

“And God said to Moses: Who gives man speech? Who makes him mute or deaf, seeing or blind?” (Exodus 4:11)

The answer in the Book of Exodus is God. Yet my friends, we are God’s instruments. Let us do our best to help improve the lives of all of those affected by disabilities.

Kein yehi ratson! May it be God’s will!

Why Move to Des Moines?

Why Move to Des Moines?

By Rabbi David Kaufman

Young adults seem to have this idea that living on the coasts in big cities is the thing to do. They flock to New York, where they pay $3,000-5,000 per month for a small apartment or pay $1,000-1,500 a month for a share of one. Often, they have to commute for an hour or more each way to and from work by train. Do you realize that that is 520 hours of commuting time or more during the course of a year. 260 work days times 2 hours a day equals 520 hours. That comes out to almost 22 full days and if you subtract eight hours of sleep per night and look at 16 hour functional days, it comes out to over 32. You are spending a full month commuting! If I were to simply say that this was true in New York, I would be mistaken. Hour plus commutes are the norm for many young adults in Los Angeles, Atlanta, Chicago, and many of those other “highly desirable” coastal cities.

In the Des Moines Metro area, a commute of under ten minutes is the norm. For quite a bit less than half of the rent payment in one of those coastal cities you could get a $200,000 house , 3000 plus square feet with a two car garage and in an excellent neighborhood with great public schools, some of the best in the nation. Take a look at Central Academy, a Des Moines Public School which is an international baccalaureate world school and ranked one of the best schools in the nation. Sending your kids to good public schools can save you tens of thousands of dollars each year.

Your yard, yes you can have one here, may even have a multitude of trees! For you New Yorkers, trees are those green things that you see in Central Park. Even young couples starting out their careers can afford a nice house here! $40,000-60,000 salary in Des Moines will get you a nice place to live, some spending money, and pay off your student loans quicker than $80,000-100,000 in New York. For those of you who are working 80-100 hours a week to get that $80,000-100,000 salary, not including your 10 hours per week of commuting time, what good is it living in a place where you can do so much in your free time. What free time? And can you afford all the things you could do?

In Des Moines, you can go to business breakfasts and lunches with friends and associates. Why? Because it takes less than ten minutes to get just about anywhere and while we do not have thousands of restaurants for you to choose from, those we do have are quite good. We have Thai, Indian, Vietnamese, Korean, Mexican, Tex-Mex and numerous other ethnic food restaurants. Here you can get a superb meal for less than $10, even for dinner. Urbanspoon lists just a few of the best places to go.

Of course, our meals are better because we have the best meat, Iowa raised, and extremely fresh farm produce. There are also wonderful vegetarian and sea food restaurants in town. Plus, we have some coffee houses that would easily rival the best on the coasts. Check out Zanzibars and Java Joes among others.

The Des Moines Arts Festival downtown is ranked in the top ten nationally. The Des Moines Metro Opera is renowned for its excellence and we have a great civic center housing our symphony orchestra and hosting numerous Broadway Plays as well as concerts. Drake University, Simpson College, Grandview College and Des Moines University are based in Des Moines and Iowa State, in Ames, is only 25 minutes away so for those of you who like a collegiate atmosphere, you can get it here.

We have some of the best air quality in the nation, many long and beautiful bicycle trails not to mention one of the best public long distance rides anywhere, Ragbrai, great parks and hiking trails, the Iowa State Fair, one of the nation’s best, a top notch art museum, Blank Park Zoo, the Botanical Center, a superb science center, the Des Moines Playhouse and a real downtown that you can actually walk around in and not feel afraid. There is even a skywalk, cooled in the summer and heated in the winter, connecting almost all of the buildings. For those who like mall shopping, we’ve got Jordan Creek Towne Center and Valley West Mall. We even have a Trader Joes and a Whole Foods Market within a five minute drive from anywhere on the west side of town.

We also have Des Moines’ Farmers’ Market, Valley Junction’s shops, and the newly reborn East Village!

Others have noticed that this is a pretty good place to live too.

Des Moines ranks #1 "Best Cities for Families" - Kiplinger, July 2012

Des Moines ranks #4 "Best Places for Business and Careers." - Forbes, June 2012

Des Moines-West Des Moines ranks #2 " Best Cities for Jobs this Summer." - Forbes, June 2012

Des Moines #2 strongest local economy. - Tech Journal, June 2012

Des Moines ranks #10 "Most Educated Young Workforce." - The Business Journals, May 2012

Des Moines ranks #2 for "Best Cities for Jobs." - Forbes, March 2012

Downtown Des Moines Farmers' Market recognized as "One of America's Best." - Country Living Magazine, March 2012. 

Greater Des Moines Ranks #1 Best City for Young Professionals - Forbes, July 2011

Des Moines is the #1 Richest Metro in the Nation. - US News & World Report, June 2011

Des Moines is the #1 City in the US for Home Renters. - Time Magazine, June 2011

Iowa ranks #9 for Best State for Business. - CNBC, June 2011

Des Moines is the #3 Best City for Business. - MarketWatch

Des Moines ranks in the top 10 "Best Cities for the Next Decade." - Kiplinger

Des Moines ranks #5 for best cities for families. Based on great schools, affordable homes, low crime rates, jobs, and parkland. - Parenting Magazine, June 2011

Des Moines is one of the 20 strongest-performing metro areas. - Brookings

Des Moines living costs are 10 percent below the national average. 
- The Council for Community and Economic Research

Des Moines ranks #1 Best Cities for Clean Drinking Water - Forbes 

If you’re Jewish, there is Jewish life here too. The Des Moines Metro Area has Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform Congregations, including my own, Temple B’nai Jeshurun which has one of the most beautiful sanctuaries of any synagogue anywhere.

You’re right though, if you want to live in a hovel and travel for an hour to get to your job, much less to your social life, somewhere on the coast “where everyone is,” you’re not going to like living here. Here your life is only a few minutes away and it’s a great life.

Come to Des Moines.

-Rabbi David Jay Kaufman

Better to Light a Candle - Chanukah and the Tragedy

Better to Light a Candle: Chanukah and the Tragedy in Newtown, CT

By Rabbi David Kaufman Dec. 14, 2012

On the first day of school, excitement was in the air,

One was wearing a new dress, a big red bow in her hair,

Another had on new sneakers and had nearly forgotten,

The kiss, the hug, the picture taken before kindergarten,

The months rolled by, joy and learning,

Children at play, always yearning

The bell sounded to begin just another day,

But yet not another day…

Thunderous sounds, but not thunder,

Screams, but not of joy and laughter.

A town of lives torn asunder,

From this day and ever after.

I could not think of words to say,

No prayer enough, not today,

Yet today was today and something must be said,

As we think of the darkness that reared its ugly head.

Tonight, we remember ancient times of challenge and fear,

Miracles that happened Sham and Po, there and here,

Through the power of your spirit, the weak defeated the strong,

On this night our weakened spirits are carried along.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that when things look bad and hopeless,

“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”

On this night of all nights,

We remember that one candle may kindle many lights.

Light will kindle light.

Hope will kindle hope.

May we work to make our world a better place for our children and grandchildren to grow up in health, safety, happiness, and joy.

Choosing the Right Path and Getting the Wrong Result

Choosing the Right Path and Getting the Wrong Result

Sermon for Yom Kippur Day 2012-5773

Rabbi David Kaufman

In the 1973 movie, Sleeper, starring Woody Allen, a man, Miles Monroe, awakens 200 years in the future. His doctors discuss his care when he wakes up:

Dr. Melik: Well, he's fully recovered, except for a few minor kinks.
Dr. Agon: Has he asked for anything special?
Dr. Melik: Yes, this morning for breakfast. He requested something called wheat germ, organic honey and tiger's milk.
Dr. Agon: [laughs] Oh, yes. Those were the charmed substances...That some years ago Were felt to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies? Or hot fudge?
Dr. Agon: Those were thought to be unhealthy, precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible.

Miles Monroe: Where am I anyhow, I mean, what happened to everybody, where are all my friends?
Dr. Aragon: You must understand that everyone you knew in the past has been dead nearly two hundred years.
Miles Monroe: But they all ate organic rice! 

Woody Allen poked fun at the things that we do to try to stay healthy. He thought that people would find it funny, as we do, if the foods we consider today to be terrible for us turn out instead to be good for us. Many of us work very hard to keep ourselves healthy…some of us, not so much.

Few of us live like Jack LaLanne, the fitness guru who died at age 96 last January, would have wanted us to live, but then again there is only one Jack LaLanne. For those here who do not know about him, Jack LaLanne was the guru of fitness in America for most of the latter half of the 20^th century. He created the jumping Jack. Yes, it is named after Jack LaLanne. For those of us who have difficulty doing one, much less ten, twenty, or fifty pushups; at age 43, in 1957, Jack did over 1,000 pushups in 23 minutes while on the television show, “You asked for it.” He worked out two hours a day, every day. Jack LaLanne believed that we could control our health, entirely. Yet while few of us live like Jack LaLanne, none of us IS Jack LaLanne.

We try to work out regularly. We run, walk, swim and bike. We eat organic. We diet. We play tennis and golf. We do not smoke or if we do, we work hard to quit. We take our medicines and follow the things that our doctors tell us to do. Yet too often in spite of our best efforts, illness strikes.

I wrote in my recent bulletin article about how as I look back on the year that has just passed, I am struck by the many health challenges faced by people in my life over the past year and a little more, no few of which are ongoing.

Some of these individuals inspire me just by walking through the door of the Temple; the very act a reminder of their inner strength and our human ability to overcome. Others have not been so fortunate as to be given the chance for healing, but have shown tremendous power of the spirit in facing their illnesses, inspiring many others. This year, I sat at all too many bedsides, offering words of prayer and comfort, holding hands, hugging shuddering shoulders, eyes filled with tears.

What does one say, when the question is an existential one, “Why?” Why is this bad thing happening to me? To her? To him? Why now? Even more specifically, why in spite of efforts to do all of the right things? Sometimes even when we choose the right path, we get the wrong result. That is what I would like to talk with you about today.

I will begin with a look at Fundamentalist ideas of reward and punishment, then at challenges to the idea that God punishes at all. Finally, I would like to talk about what is perhaps the hardest thing for us to address, the idea of not being in complete control of what happens in life.

Fundamentalist Ideas

On Yom Kippur, we are particularly mindful of our vulnerabilities, our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and our failings. The Torah uses the terms “blessing” and “curse” in describing the good things and bad things that happen to us.

We read in the book of Deuteronomy:

When all these things befall you, the blessing and the curse that I have set before you, and you take them to heart amidst the various nations to which Adonai your God has banished you, and you repent to Adonai your God, and you and your children heed God’s command with all of your heart and soul, just as I enjoin upon you this day, then Adonai your God will restore your fortunes and take you back in love.

The Deuteronomists, those who authored the Book of Deuteronomy and edited parts of the Book of Joshua as well, believed that whatever befalls us in our lives occurs because God blesses us or because God curses us. Everything that happens according to this belief happens because God wills it to happen. It is the philosophy that has guided traditional Jewish thought for generation after generation. It continues to form the basis of Orthodox Jewish thought today with some modification for free will, and is prominently found among Fundamentalist Christians and Muslims.

Taken together, the belief that God either blesses us or curses us and the belief that God is always just, leads to the conclusion that God rewards only the righteous and punishes only the wicked. Blessings that are in our lives are rewards for our righteousness. Curses are punishments for our misdeeds. Therefore, if curses are present in our lives, according to this philosophy, it is because we have sinned.

Many of those who are suffering feel a need to seek out the reason why. Just as Job’s “friends” did in the Book of Job, there is an assumption that suffering must be deserved. In ancient times, suffering and sin went hand in hand to the point that in the story of Hagar and Sarah, Hagar is said to look down upon Sarah because Sarah was barren. It was not merely a reflection of problematic physiology, but of her sinfulness. God was punishing her.

Some take this kind of thought to an extreme, arguing that floods, hurricanes, tsunamis and other major natural disasters are the result of sinfulness, the disasters occurring as punishment by God. Our tradition, Reform Judaism, finds this idea offensive. We do not feel compelled to explain why God did these things.

For fundamentalists, who believe that God causes all things to happen, there must be reason why God made this happen or allowed it to happen. They ask, “What did these people do, what did we do, to deserve this?” No answer to that question is appropriate in my mind and I am sure that the vast majority of you, if not all of you, would agree with me. The problem is not the answer, but the question itself.

I have spoken and written about this many times in the past, but it never hurts to mention that the belief that blessings and curses are bestowed upon us by God for what we, ourselves, have done in our lives is already an advancement over the previous theodicy, the belief about divine justice, that is found in the book of Numbers, chapter 14. There we find:

Adonai, slow to anger and abounding in kindness; forgiving iniquity and transgression; yet not remitting all punishment, but visiting the sins of the fathers unto the children, unto the third and fourth generations!!!

According to this philosophy, righteous people are indeed punished!!! Not for their own actions, but for the misdeeds of their ancestors! How did anyone come up with this idea? Well…the basic concept is the same one that underlies the Avot v’Imahot prayer that we say in every service. In that prayer, we ask God to bless us because of the righteous actions of our ancestors. It must be assumed for that to happen that we could also be cursed as well.

The idea that we may be punished for the sins of ancestors is a reasonable explanation for why bad things happen to good people. It explains why the righteous might suffer. The problem is that this kind of god would be unjust and vindictive, taking vengeance upon innocents who had nothing to do with the action taken. A good and just God would not do this.

By the time that the book of Deuteronomy was written, it seems that the belief that God would punish descendants for the behavior of ancestors had ended. Now, blessings and curses were considered to be rewards and punishments for one’s own actions. According to the Book of Deuteronomy, when bad things happen to us it is because we ourselves deserve them.

Challenges to Fundamentalism

The problem is that where the earlier philosophy explained why bad things happen to good people, by putting the blame for punishment on ancestors, the philosophy as found in Deuteronomy does not. Deuteronomy argues that bad things simply do not happen to good people. If something bad happens to someone, they must deserve it. The righteous are never punished, because that would be unjust and God is always just.

This brings us to one of the first real challenges to the Deuteronomic idea of reward and punishment, the Book of Job. In Job, Job’s friends, people who know him to be an exemplary person, argue that the curses befalling him must be happening because God was punishing him for his sins. Job must have done something wrong about which they did not know. God would not punish a righteous man. Therefore, the path they saw for Job was to admit his failings and perhaps then God would withdraw the punishment.

The one thing that the story tells us to be true beyond any doubt is that Job is righteous. God tests Job to prove a point to Satan about just how righteous Job is. While the author tells a story that tries to explain why Job is suffering, the reader knows all along that Job is a righteous person who is being punished. How could this be? A just God, who is all powerful and all seeing, cannot punish the just, even if intending to reward later.

However, we have all seen innocents suffer. The story of Job rings all too true for us. The problem remains. A just god would not punish the innocent for the sins of others, nor would such a god allow the righteous to be punished if it were possible to prevent it. This day, during which the written prayers seek mercy and compassion from God in order to turn away punishment, we should remind ourselves that the view of God as judge and arbiter is not the only one provided by our tradition.

The 23rd Psalm holds a much different explanation for why bad things happen to good people and offers a different view of God’s role in relation to human suffering.

When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death—or to translate the idiom more appropriately, “the darkest valley”,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me,

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

The 23rd Psalm, though we recite it during the funeral liturgy, is not about death. It is about those times when we find ourselves in a dark valley, where we might easily be afraid. Therein, when we cannot see the light ahead, the psalm reminds us that Adonai is our shepherd, watching over us, that God will not let us get lost, and that God will lead us to green pastures and to tranquil waters. Even when we find ourselves in the most awful places in life, we shall fear no evil because God is with us.

In the 23rd Psalm, there is no request for God to simply lift us from the valley into the light, nor is that expected. The God of Psalm 23 helps us to face the difficulties that we will encounter along the way, like a loved one holding your hand during a time of illness and pain. This God does not curse us, nor does this God have the power to remove our curses.

At this time of year, we call God, “Avinu,” “Our Father.” We ask God to treat us like a loving parent, with compassion and mercy. The God of the 23rd Psalm takes care of us like a parent with a sick child, loving, embracing us, aching out of helplessness, yearning to bring us to a better place, to bring us through the tough times. And like a parent, all the while calming our fears. God can not remove us from our darkest valleys, but like a parent, God can help us feel better as we walk through them.

Control over fate

Growing up, we are taught that our actions affect how we are treated. If we perform well in school, we receive good grades. If we behave at home, our parents will be happier and perhaps give us things that we want to have. If we are nice to our friends, they will be nice to us. We would like this pattern to continue on as we get older in all our relationships in life and many times we act as if this is the way things work.

We believe that if we eat healthy and live healthy, exercising and avoiding problematic things, that we will live forever or at least much longer and much happier. We do not bat an eyelash when we hear that someone who is battling issues with weight or smokes or drinks a lot tells us that they are suffering health consequences. But what of the marathon runner who has diabetes? I know at least one.

We are to an extent like the friends of Job. We would like to find answers that fit with our preconceived notions of how the universe works. God, in our tradition, brings order to chaos. We expect to find order. We do not like chaos.

We read the first verses of the creation story incorrectly:

When God began to create the heavens and the earth, the earth being tohu va-vohu, all chaos, and darkness covered the face of the deep. The spirit of God swept over the surface of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light!” and there was light.

Nowhere are we told that all of the chaos was transformed into order, only that all that there was in the beginning was chaos. Some chaos remains. And nowhere are we told that all of the darkness was transformed into light, only that light appeared in the midst of the darkness.

If we are able to live our lives like Jack LaLanne, we will most likely live healthier lives than we might otherwise. We can bring some order to chaos, but we cannot forget that tohu vavohu are still around. Woody Allen once said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

There are times when we may choose the right path, following it diligently, and nonetheless receive the wrong result because of something completely unforeseen or perhaps because the path that gets us closest to where we want to go, may not get us all the way there.

In the past year alone, more than one friend who never smoked a cigarette has recently found himself facing lung cancer. Most of us know of the challenges faced by a member of our congregation who went kayaking, fell terribly ill, and is now a famous face of health care reform. The young child of a colleague is facing leukemia. Tohu va-vohu.

We are not in full control. We realize that on this day, the Day of Atonement, perhaps more than we do on any other day. Whether we believe that God has influence in what happens to us or not, we know that we are not able to lift ourselves from all of those dark valleys, nor avoid wandering into a few in the first place. This day, we hope to be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a good and healthy year, but we know that not all of us, in spite of our best efforts, will be so inscribed and it frightens us. Not that we doubt our worthiness, but that we doubt our ability to control what happens.

This day, we acknowledge both that we have the ability to influence the direction of our lives, to make teshuva, to turn to the right path, and that some things are beyond our control and that we hope for mercy and compassion when we face them.

We may not be able to avoid entering valleys in our lives, but we do have some say as to how we go about journeying through them. Psalm 23 reminds us that God is with us in our dark valleys, but others may also be there with us, giving us strength as well. It is my hope that I may be there alongside you with a caring presence at a bedside, with a word or a hug. I am always available for you and your loved ones, any day, any time of day.

And let us gain strength from one another in our congregation. Let us, each of us, reach out and help those in need in any way that we can, whether it is by giving blood, by donating money, by giving a hug, by calling or visiting those touched by illness or sorrow and letting them know that we are thinking about them. This is what being a part of a congregation and a community is truly about, offering and finding friendship and support, being there for one another.

May we ever help to bring true the words of Psalm 30 that we find during the concluding service today, “You have turned my grief into dancing, released me from my anguish, and surrounded me with gladness. Adonai, my God, I shall give thanks to you forever.”

           

Kein Yehi Ratson. May it be God’s will. Good Yom Tov.

Vows and Obligations – Kol Nidrei 2012-5773

Vows and Obligations – Kol Nidrei 2012-5773

Rabbi David Kaufman

Although we think of books by Dr. Seuss as “children’s literature,” almost all of his works have messages for readers of all ages.  In no story is this more true than in Horton Hatches the Egg. Just as Mayzie, the lazy bird, wishes for “someone to stay on her nest,” because she was “tired and bored,” Horton the Elephant—which is not a political reference—passes by. Horton is persuaded to take over for Mazie, who promises:

“I’ll hurry right back.  Why, I’ll never be missed.”

“Very well,” said the elephant, “since you insist.”

In summer, the task was easy. But eventually autumn passes, “And then came the Winter…the snow and the sleet! And icicles hung From his trunk and his feet.” 

But Horton doesn’t abandon Mayzie’s egg, repeating the refrain that runs through the story:

I meant what I said and I said what I meant…

An elephant’s faithful one hundred per cent!

Spring brings more tribulations when Horton’s friends spot him sitting in the nest:

They taunted, they teased him, they yelled, “How Absurd!”

Old Horton the elephant thinks he’s a bird!

When his friends run away, poor “Horton was lonely. He wanted to play, but he sat on the egg and continued to say:”

I meant what I said and I said what I meant…

An elephant’s faithful one hundred per cent!

Horton kept his promise, fulfilling the obligation that he elected to take on. By the closing lines of the story, Horton’s faithfulness is rewarded: When the egg hatches, the baby bird has a trunk and a tail!

Tonight, on this night when we offer the words of the Kol Nidrei, a prayer seeking forgiveness for promises we could not have kept and those we should not or cannot keep, I would like to speak with you about making promises and keeping obligations, about acting rashly, perhaps when emotions run high, and then about how to do better this year, how to set ourselves on a better path.

Vows and Obligations

The story of Horton Hatches the Egg, teaches us, using humor, about how difficult it is to fulfill our obligations and promises. We, like Mayzie the Bird or Horton the Elephant, make promises and take on obligations that may prove increasingly hard for us. Let us for a moment imagine ourselves, not as Mayzie, abandoning responsibility, but as Horton sitting on the nest. Our task may move from a symbolic summer, when doing the task was relatively easy, to winter with icicles hanging from our bodies, when keeping up the task is painful and we wonder if we can go on. Our friends may well come by and wish for us to break our vow, to join in their fun. They may even make fun of us or taunt us for refusing. Have you ever been called a “party pooper” or worse because you chose to be responsible? Many who have taken on responsibility have faced this at times.

This Summer, I spoke at Goldman Union Camp on Shabbat Matot-Massei. Matot-Massei, a combined Torah portion, includes a discussion of wiping out the Midianites, the vows of women, the death of Aaron and the creation of cities of refuge. It is not easy to figure out what to talk about with a congregation full of children. Many rabbis in the past have picked something else entirely to talk about.

I chose to work with the Torah portion and spoke of a connection between the Torah’s concern about vows and the cities of refuge, both of which to some extent have to do with acting rashly and perhaps emotionally.

Our people in times not too distant believed that God would enforce vows. If you swore an oath or made a vow to God, you were expected to keep your promise or God would punish you. That is why people were asked to make vows in the first place. In fact, Jews believed that God might well punish not only us individually, but our entire family or the entirety of the Jewish people if we failed to uphold our promises. Vows were a big deal.

If for example we would make a pledge to God, such as “God, if I get an A on this exam, I will say the Shema three times a day for a month and not watch any TV,” or “If the diagnosis isn’t so bad, I will never eat [fill in the blank with your favorite food] again,” the tradition tells us that we need to follow through or there will be consequences. Sometimes, we say things in an emotional state that we really do not want to do or should not do. The consequences that we have proposed may be things that we would never wish to happen or perhaps cannot allow to happen. For example,

If you do this again, I swear I will [fill in the blank with some horrendous consequence]. I will kill you, never speak with you again, etc…

If only I could meet this movie star or rock star, I would [fill in the blank with something very inappropriate or harmful].  Or---

I would cut off my arm, if I could….

In ancient times, people did not simply make vows that they had no intention of keeping. Vows were not expressions of desire or mere reflections of our emotional state, they were serious agreements not to be violated. The prophets in fact regularly reminded the people of the oaths that they and their ancestors swore to God to keep. If you ever get a chance to read the Book of Judges, you will find all kinds of stories about vows and the consequences of breaking them.

The most famous story is of Samson who was most likely a Nazirite hero. The Nazirites were people who swore an oath not to allow their hair to be cut except in a certain ritual fashion. The hair was considered holy and used for Temple purposes. Delilah of course ends up cutting Samson’s hair, breaking his vow, and his super strength, his power, suddenly vanishes. The story is about what happens when this vow in the service of God is broken, even unintentionally. Everything changes.

Sometimes, we swear oaths simply out of ignorance. We don’t have all of the necessary information, and we make pledges that we never should have made, nor would have made had we known more.

In this vein, there is a second story from the Book of Judges, that of Jephthah, a leader of Gilead, who swore that if he was victorious in battle, he would offer up to God as a sacrifice the first thing that came out to greet him when he returned home. The supposition is that he intended for it to be an animal, but it turned out to be his daughter. The story tells us that the daughters of Israel went out into the wilderness to mourn for the young woman every year, indicating that Jephthah kept his vow.

This tale, like many other tales of morality in our tradition, is one that almost certainly did not happen; it is probably a mythic tale, but it is also a story that stresses the importance of keeping vows. The belief was that had Jephthah failed to go through with his vow, the entire people might suffer. Remember also that these stories about vows are in the context of discussion of the covenant, the vows, between God and the Children of Israel. Not only the Torah, but the prophets, and many of the other works in the Tanakh, Jewish scriptures, discuss the necessity of the Jewish people upholding their vows and meeting their obligations.

But Jewish history puts vows into a different context in addition to this one. Over the past 2,000 years, we Jews were regularly forced to make vows with which we did not agree by people who also believed that God would enforce consequences if those vows were broken. We were forced to pledge our belief in other faiths, ones in which we did not believe, or we were compelled to break oaths we meant to keep because of threats against our lives. Because breaking oaths is not a minor thing in our tradition, the rabbis created the Kol Nidrei prayer in the hope of avoiding the consequences of breaking oaths to God, even ones made under duress. As our prayerbook states:

Kol Nidrei is the prayer of people not free to make their own decisions, people forced to say what they do not mean.

Yet the prayerbook also concludes its introduction to the section containing the Kol Nidrei prayer with these words:

For what we have done, for what we may yet do, we ask pardon; for rash words, broken pledges, insincere assurances, and foolish promises, may we find forgiveness.

We know that it is hardly only when forced that we make promises that we should not or cannot keep, nor is it only when forced that we make rash decisions, nor is it only when forced that we do not fulfill obligations and commitments that we have made.

Emotions

In the Torah portion of which I spoke this Summer, we also read about the cities of refuge. The concept of refuge cities was intended to provide a way to prevent angry mobs from taking justice into their own hands. We do not know if these cities ever functioned, but the idea makes some sense. Fleeing to such cities could have allowed time for emotions to decrease and the truth about the events that transpired to come forth. Making emotionally based decisions can multiply our problems rather than helping to solve or heal them. We need time to think and reflect in order to make the right decisions. We cannot let our emotions drive us to act without thinking things through.

Too often, our emotions may drive us to speak without caring about whether or not what we speak is the truth or about the consequences of our words. The traditional Yom Kippur story about lashon hara, saying bad things about others, reminds us that words are like feathers spilled from a pillow into the wind, easy to release but often impossible to retract.

In an emotional state, we are much more prone to perceive things incorrectly, to say things that we should not say, and to act rashly. This is not merely true when we are angry or full of hatred, it can be when we are sad, in love, full of pride, overjoyed or full of any other emotion.

How do we avoid acting rashly?

The prophet Micah teaches us:

God has showed you, what is good. And what does Adonai require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We need to be merciful, not merely just. Being merciful means having a disposition to forgiveness. On balance, just as we wish for God and for others to be merciful and not vengeful in regard to wrongs that we have done, so must we tend toward mercy ourselves in our relations with others.

We know that we can be wrong in our judgments. At times, we may feel certain that we are in the right and offer condemnation of others only to find out that our understanding was terribly wrong. Some of us have found ourselves on the wrong side of this very type of action. We need to be mindful of our potential to err when we get angry and wish to act upon that anger, so that we do not do or say something that we could regret later. We need to be humble.

That is not easy for a people too often willing to sit in the dark. We are a people whose tradition is full of rash responses, responses made full of emotion. We have made promises without thinking. We have reacted violently against the very concept of assimilating practices or beliefs different from our own, often without understanding them. We have acted to avenge perceived harm done against us without knowing any, much less all of the facts. We have done these things in the past as a people. We often still do them in our own individual lives today.

Tomorrow afternoon, during the concluding service, I will recite these all too appropriate words as I stand before the open ark:

Called to a life of righteousness, we rebel: arrogance possesses us. The passions that rage within us drown out the voice of conscience: good and evil, virtue and vice, love and hate contend for the mastery of our lives. Again and again we complain of the struggle, forgetting that the power to choose is the glory and greatness of our being.

Yes, we have a tendency to speak and act rashly. Yes, we are people full of emotion. Yet, we have the power to choose.

The prophet Micah warns us. Be humble. Let us not expect perfection of others when we know that we ourselves are not perfect. Let us strive to be better people and our world will become a better place for us all.

May we all be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a good, healthy, and happy year. Good yom tov.