Was it a couple of millennia ago in the land of Israel, maybe
a couple of hundred years ago in 1804 in the Northwestern Territory, or perhaps on a fall day in 1621 in New England, a woman from the SheineSheine family
named Maccagawea [pronounced Mac-a-Jew-ee-oy because while in the northeast it would have ended "er" in the northwest it's "oy"] helped lead her people to victory over those who had
determined that the biggest shopping day of the year should always precede Chanukah.
Maccagawea prayed to God and filed suit to move the holiday so that the Jewish
people could have the two Thanksgiving turkey drumsticks hold the Chanukah
candles for the second night while allowing the people to use the turkey neck,
often heretofore disposed of without use, to be used with the Shamash candle. Miracle of miracles, it was made so, but
because of scheduling problems only happens every 70,000 years or so.
Because of Maccagawea, this year Jews around the world will
be getting great discounts and even door busters during Chanukah!
In
celebration of this great miracle, the Governor of the colony who was not named
Antiochus and the Chief of the Wampamberg tribe, Squanto (the q is pronounced like
“ch” in Bach), decided that the people should hold a great feast when the
calendars align properly, light candles, and sing songs about gambling with
spinning tops called dreidels while eating far too much and watching football.
For the Thanksgivukkah day meal eaten on the occasion of
the confluence of the holidays of Thanksgiving and Chanukah, some say that it
is customary to make Gefilte Fish out of Cape Cod and eat potato latkes with
cranberry sauce.
We owe it all one heroic woman, Maccagawea.
Maccagawea is also known for saying that
April Showers bring Mayflowers.
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